It was the summer of 2000 when I led a group of 30 volunteers for 2 weeks to the Luoyang Orphanage in the Henan Province in China. We spent most days holding babies, playing with the older children, painting, and cleaning. One day we took 30 of the kids from the orphanage to the zoo and out to lunch. Our bus pulled up to the orphanage and the kids were waiting for us outside with their nannies. Each of us got off the bus, took a child and got back on the bus. Jiacheng was the first child I saw when I got off the bus. He seemed scared yet curious. It was the sadness in his eyes that pierced my heart. As soon as I showed him how to use my digital camera and he started taking pictures of his friends, I got that first smile that lit up his sweet face. This little boy captured my heart in a day.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -James 1:27
You are such a good women but I cant believe that the boy was lost ....After you do all the hard work they lost him ...I am a mom as well as you and make no mistake if my son was lost THE WORLD WOULD KNOW
ReplyDeleteHi. Found you through the AOL front page news. I unlike the commenter above blame no one. You were great, his chinese family is also. I'm sure they tried to find him also. You are an exceptional woman who I give so much credit to. The fact that you looked for your son's birth family shows ultimate love. He asked, wanted to know bc it was important to know, and you did not stop until it was taken care of. You are a hero in this boy's / young man's life. He NEEDED to know, as you know, about his birth family. In his very being he needed to know or things would not be right -- I'm sure his whole identity depended upon it, although a lot of his identity is also wrapped up in you and your family! And his self esteem I am sure was effected by his identity, everything was. If you hadn't have helped him, if he hadn't have found you, he would have been tormented...
ReplyDeleteHow do I know all this? I have someone very close to me who is adopted. His life is wrapped up in his identity, and until he finds out his complete identity, he won't be able to rest. It effects everything -- his self esteem, his growth, his belief system, his love of himself or lackthereof, his wondering if someone wanted to "give him away" and why, his belief that he is somehow lesser and flawed, his confusion on who and what he is, his wondering on why he is "different," he inability to figure out what he can accomplish in this life, his inability to figure out who he looks life, his confusion on his medical history, wondering where he got his intelligence from, wondering if he has any siblings or other relatives, his wondering most of all if he has a right to be alive...
You see, you did the right thing by helping Christian. All I can say is that. Some days you may not feel it. Some days ahead may be very rough, and you may even ask yourself, "Did I do a good thing in finding them? Was it worth it? Can I go backward and take it all back? Can I just not be selfish and keep him for myself? Can I not just for once in my life be selfish?"
The answer to those questions is an resounding, "Yes, you did the RIGHT thing. You did the BEST thing. It is ok to hurt, cry, even want to feel selfish. That's all OK. But NO, you can never go back. You made the RIGHT choice. You did the RIGHT thing. Christian's life DEPENDED upon it. His well being, his sanity, his self-esteem, his identity, his future, his very LIFE."
So to you I say, brave woman, thank you. Thank you on behalf of my adopted adult family member who cannot find his birth family, his roots, his story. Who cannot make sense of his life, his hurts, his being, his identity, his very self. Who cannot love himself, or believe that the Lord loves him.
To you I say thank you, for not allowing Christian to languish, to live in anguish, and to give him life itself...
Now how the future will pan out, where Christian will live, how he will assimilate both families, both cultures, all of his identity, time will only tell. Take it one day at a time. Really. When it gets hard, take it one day at a time. Encourage him to do the same, even when you each are scared. And remember it is ok to get that way.
Also remember that no matter how the future pans out, remember you gave Christian one of the hugest gifts you could have ever given him, one that will forever impact his life, the gift of... himself.
krissy knox :)
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Sometimes I Think
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ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful story. I agree with the previous poster, I'm in awe of your love for Christian. He is a very lucky young man.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything else runs as smoothly as it has for you and both families!
With peace,
MJ
www.babiesandsignlanguage.com
Accidents can often be a blessing in disguise!
ReplyDelete